So its been a while since I've really written a non-vacation, non-holiday, non-techno-fluff post.  Not really sure why- I guess Xanga has, in some ways, moved on to the vast frontier of previously popular web addresses that have petered out.  Thing is, I always did enjoy writing random thoughts on my little piece of the web.

It has now been one year and two months since I graduated residency.  Going from non-infrequently working over 80 hrs a week to frequently working 33 hrs a week and getting paid more than 3x as much to do it has been really wonderful.  I love not having to precept with some attendings who were more oftentimes than not, overworked and at times not comfortable dealing with the level of acuity at our hospital.  I love having a supportive staff who comes when I hit that little red switch on the wall.  My patients are great- I have really enjoyed my relationships with them.  I do more procedures in the office in a month than I did in my entire 3 years of residency.  My EMR system is great!  And though I seem to use it less and less, dictation is still a joy.  I still drive 40 mins to work and that is a bit of a bummer, but I don't mind it too much.  My fellow docs are awesome and I appreciate being able to grab them for a consult when the need arises.  I think perhaps one of the reasons why God allowed my residency experience to be such a dark time was to show me His wonderful mercies after the fact.

My practice was recently purchased by the same hospital system that I worked for during my residency.  Honestly, I had mixed feelings about the change, but I do believe that it was the best thing for my boss, who is a really great guy, so I don't fault him for it.  Working for a major hospital system does have its perks, but there is something about working for "The Man" that makes it a little less intimate.  I still have the opportunities to have spiritual conversations with my patients- nearly every day.  It's amazing how a small act of compassion, like sitting down and listening to a patient talk about a difficult time that they've been having, or taking just a minute or two to pray for a patient, can make a huge difference in creating a therapeutic alliance but also helping remind me in days full of diabetes, hypertension and colds, that I am not the one who ultimately cares for, or heals, my patients- God is.  And that is good for this attending physician to know.  A healthy dose of humility would do me a lot of good most days of the week.  S certainly has her part in encouraging this.

I've walked with many patients as they've died, either through cancer or COPD.  They used to jokingly call me the "Angel of Death" back in residency, because I was the "go to" person when it came to end-of-life discussions.  Truth is, we're all dying- just some of us faster than others.  It has been some of the greatest joys of my life helping patients to consider the options for their treatments, making sure that they have spiritual rest (if they desire that) and for appropriate patients, walking with them through the palliative care/hospice path.  Doctors frequently fear death- we dread it for our patients.  Death = Loss.  But the truth is, for the Christian anyways, Death = Gain, because we after we have passed from this life to the next, we will have gained Christ in all His glory.  Not that we should long after death, we shouldn't, but we need not fear it either- because of what Christ accomplished for us on the cross.  Praise the Lord!

On some weekends, I've been volunteering at the local Christian free clinic.  It has been such a privilege to be able to provide care through the love of Christ to others who are in need.  They always seem to be a little surprised when I share with them how much I am broken and still needing a Savior every day.  Doctors are supposed to have it together, aren't they?  After all, they are supposed to have the status, money and power.  The reality is that all those things, while potentially helpful in one way, shape or form or another, they tend to just cloud our vision, our intentions.  We all need a savior- from the unkempt, drug addict, who hasn't had a job in years, to the young doctor who tends towards the judgemental and proud.  The good news of the gospel is that we have one- and because of Christ, we can have hope of a life redeemed for His glory and external joys when we are caught up in the air to be like Him.

So, anyways, that's what's been going on in my work life.  Not sure if anyone really reads this blog anymore, but if so, I appreciate you taking the time to do it!

Haha, once again, it has been a while since I've posted to my little blogspace...  alas, I've been a bit lazy.  But I've gotten on because today is a very special day- S's birthday!!



Yes, thats right, she's a ripe old "___".  You didn't think that I'd actually say it, did ya?  Well, even if she is a ripe old "___", she's still the most beautiful girl in the world to me.  She still has a lot of people wondering, when she comes into a patient's room, how could this kid be a doctor.  I'd believe it- S still looks like she's a college student, this despite dealing with me for nearly 5 years now.  You'd think by now she'd look more haggard :).



I wanted to take a moment to reflect online just how grateful I am to have my wife.  These past few years have been tough ones at times, with one or both of us in residency.  Marriage hasn't always been easy- I daresay, frequently it hasn't.  I guess thats what happens when Sinners say I do.  But even in the midst of our biggest challenges, when we've both been feeling discouraged, or tired, angry, or hurt or despairing, God has been faithful to remind us that He was the one who sovereignly ordained our marriage, and that He is the one who will sustain us to the end.  What an encouragement that has been to us.  S is the greatest reminder to me on earth of God's abundant mercy to sinful me, that even while I don't deserve to have such a wonderful, gifted and caring wife, He gave her to me.  And vice versa (I think!).  God uses S in the long, difficult process of sanctifying me- severing me from my selfish and prideful ways, giving me the chance to have friend who loves me enough and sees me enough to identify areas where I can grow.  Sure, my heart doesn't always appreciate the feedback, broken man that I am, but inevitably, God breaks through my wickedness and reminds me freshly of what grace it is to have a woman who loves me enough to speak truth into my life.

    

Which is not to say that I'm just grateful for those challenging times that God brings to me!  No, there is so much more...  I'm grateful for her willingness to follow my imperfect lead, to tie her fortunes along with mine.  I'm grateful that she's such a great physician and a witness for Christ by the excellence with which she lives her life.  I just love her cooking, when she has the time to do it- during her 80 hr work weeks, I carry that responsibility myself and do a much poorer job of it.  She has made our home a home.  She battles for faith when life seems scary or uncertain.  Babies like her.  Much better than they like me.  She shares her heart with me and opens her life in vulnerable areas.  S makes me laugh, sometimes at her, more oftentimes with her.  She laughs at my jokes (sometimes).  I'm grateful that we both share a love of Good Eats (with Alton Brown), and jealous that my mom had the chance to meet him.  I love the way that she has embraced my family and grown in love for hers.  I thank God for giving her to me as a partner in ministry- how she asks good questions and how people respond to her.  I'm grateful that she likes a cold house in winter- 'cause I'm too cheap to turn up the heat higher.  I'm grateful that she's more lovely to me with each new day.



There are so many more little things that I could write about, but I'm sure that you guys are getting bored already.  I guess that I'm just praising God for making my wife the way that she is- all of her strengths, weaknesses, personality, ups and downs- perfectly made for me. 

I love her very much and I am grateful for the chance to grow old with her.